


Lichter

by amplifythedistance



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e10 Mirror Mirror, Five Year Mission, M/M, Mirror Universe, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amplifythedistance/pseuds/amplifythedistance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The accidental jump between universes leads to irreversible changes in Spock and Kirks relationship, and we follow both universes as the events unfold after the episode Mirror Mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Worlds apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things play out a bit differently aboard the mirrorverse Enterprise, and Mirrorverse!Spock and Kirk find themselves alone for just a few minutes.

They were making their way to the transporter room in a rush, boots clicking as they met the floor of the empty corridors of the Enterprise.

”So you’re saying we have just how much time to be exact? 20 minutes?” Kirk said, eyeing this universes counterpart to his science officer. He had agreed to help them with the transporter problem, working the controls so that they could beam back to their own universe at the right time, claiming that he preferred his own crew, his own captain to come back. But that didn’t mean that Kirk trusted the man next to him.

This universe’s Spock ignored his stare and kept his eyes in front of him. “22,4 minutes to be exact.” He said, as they turned a corner.

Trusting him or not, Kirk couldn’t help but let a small huff of a laugh escape him at the Vulcans words.

“You really are alike.” He said under his breath, and let his gaze jump quickly to the surroundings in front of them for just a moment, trying to place them on his inner map of the enterprise.

Spock’s turned his face towards him like a whip, an unfamiliar reaction to Kirk’s laugh, normally a raised eyebrow was all that Kirk’s laughter could arise from the Vulcan, maybe one of those special smiles reserved only for the people who were able to tell them apart from his blank usual expression, but this Spock looked almost alarmed by the sound of Kirk’s laughter.

“What?” Kirk said, surprised. Spock studied him, quickly, then turned his attention to their path again.

“Nothing.” A beat. “- Sir.” He added. He then continued.

“The two of you, you, and the Captain Kirk in this universe, are quite similar as well, in appearance and to some degree in character, but you differ remarkably in some aspects regarding your personality and... Conduct.”

Kirk furrowed a brow, and was about to open his mouth to pursue that statement, but suddenly changed his mind. Maybe he didn’t want to know more about what kind of man he was in this universe, he thought. Marlena had already told him more than he frankly wanted to know in his quarters.

They turned another corner, and Kirk noted the slight differences in the construction of this Enterprise and his, yet he was able to assess roughly their position on the ship. They were still far from the transporter room.

“You said you mind melted with Bones?” Kirk said.

“Yes.” This Spock said, abrupt.

Then, “Your universe is quite different from this. In so many aspects. It makes this one, our universe, mine, seem almost... Harsh.” He said, his voice heavy with newfound knowledge that needed to be considered, computed.

Kirk darted his eyes to him, then back at the corridor in front of them.

“That’s because it is.” He said darkly. Not returning Spock’s questioning gaze as they continued on.

“They also share a lot of similarities, notwithstanding.” The mirrorverse version of his first officer continued. “We are together in your universe as well, I can tell.”

The words hit Kirk like a jab to his stomach, almost robbing him of breath.

“What?” he said, almost stopping dead in his tracks, staring at the Spock next to him. Then, blinking, doing a second take he actually did stop completely, his halt making Spock turn around, looking calmly at him.

“ _What?_ What does that mean? What do you mean, _‘together’_?”

“The two of us, you, and your universe’s counterpart of me, is romantically and sexually involved in your universe as is also the case here in mine, am I not right?”

Kirk looked at him in disbelief and shock.

“No! No, you’re not, you’re not-“ He was flustered, his words failing him. “We’re not. We’re not a couple in my universe.”

They were standing completely still in the quiet deserted corridor now.

Spock furrowed his brow.

“How odd.”

“What made you think that? Did Bones’ –, did your mind melt show that??” Kirk said, baffled, and to his frustration, blushing.

“No, I –“ Spock paused, squinted, narrowing his gaze on this, to him unfamiliar, Kirk in front of him. “How odd.” He repeated.

“How are- why-. You’re a couple? You and m-, and _him_? Here?”

“Yes.” Spock said calmly, his hands clasped behind his back in that so familiar way.

“But what about Marlena?” Kirk said, perplexed.

“One of Kirk’s playthings.” Spock said, letting no expression show on his face as he spoke the words. “She was on her way out of the picture disregarding how things played out.” A pause as Kirk looked at him in disbelief. “I neither encourage nor discourage him in these activities. They are not of my business.” He said, and a brief feeling that the last words were not being said as much as they were being repeated as they had been lectured to him crossed Kirk.

Kirk could not believe his ears. “I – “ he licked his lips.  
“If your mind melt didn’t show that, and it couldn’t have, because,” his stomach turned painfully “we’re not together, me, and you, your counterpart. Then why did you think that? Did you just assume that?” That wouldn’t be much like you, like Spock, he added immediately in thought.

“No.” This Spock said calmly, shifting his weight on his feet, as his knife-sharp gaze at this alien version of his Captain not once wavered. It was understood that Kirk’s suggestion of him simply assuming anything was so absurd that it didn’t need to be addressed.

“It was the way you looked at me.”

Kirk blinked.

“When you first arrived here. First I didn’t make much of it, but after my mind meld with the doctor, I put the pieces together, and it seemed the most logical explanation.” He said.

“When you first beamed into the transporter room, your first reaction wasn’t to your surroundings, to your sudden change of clothes, it was to me.”

Kirk stopped breathing, feeling as if he was being picked apart under a microscope.

“Of course, your attention being on the living, animated person in front of you isn’t as such odd, especially considering I, essentially, to you at least, _am_ your first officer and my physical appearance had suddenly changed drastically.”

He paused, and tilted his head slightly.

“But your attention stayed with me. Of the whole of your landing party, yours was the only one to do that. The others, they wavered, to each other, themselves, the ship. But you didn’t. You barely even left me for a second to examine your ship. Your beloved Enterprise.” Spock lifted an eyebrow.

“I assumed, _based on these facts,_ that this was proof of a more profound and complex bond between you and your first officer in your universe, as is the case with me and my captain here.”

“You looked at me in a way I could only interpret as if I mattered greatly to you.”

As if I mattered greatly to you. This was too much. Kirk rubbed his palm over his mouth, turning his head to avert the Vulcans stare, and then, seeking the only exit from this situation he could think of, he started walking again. Spock followed suit.

“Well, you’re wrong.” Kirk said tensely as they continued.

“We’re not, me and my Sp-, my _first officer_ , we’re not a couple in my universe.”

“Why not?” this universes Spock immediately followed up.

Kirk looked at him in surprised indignation, Vulcans really didn’t have any sense of privacy in any universe, did they.

“I, well, I, I don’t even think he would be interested in that.” This was too weird, he was literally telling _Spock_ this, in flesh and blood before him, only few physical alterations differed him from the man he knew, from the man he was talking about.

“And it doesn’t matter anyway.” He said quickly, before this Spock could follow up on his statement. “I am his Captain, I don’t want to put him in a position where he could feel that I’m exerting my power over him.”

Again, Spock’s reaction was one of pure surprise and disbelief. A small moment passed before he answered.

“In this, again, you differ greatly from the Kirk that I know.” He said quietly, and turned again his gaze from Kirk to the direction they were headed. Then, he continued. “So you want a relationship with your universes Spock, but he does not reciprocate your feelings.”

“That’s not what I said.” Kirk spat, his heart racing. He felt cornered, why could Spock –, _this man,_ read him like this, how was he able to simply drag out these feelings Kirk had worked so hard on burying within himself, simply drag them out like loose threads in a weaving of cloth, making him come apart.

“You do not know if he reciprocates your feelings.” Spock corrected himself.

Kirk breathed through his nose, his mouth a tight line.

“I, I don’t know, no. I don’t think so.” Painfully, his mind involuntarily turned to all the times he had pushed at that connection between them, held Spock’s gaze just that second more, stood just that bit closer to him, touched a hand, a shoulder unnecessarily, and for just that moment too long, only to have Spock turn his eyes away, step away, finish their conversation abruptly, and then retreat into himself. Making clear that their friendship would never be anything more than that, a friendship.

And Kirk had accepted that, it was the only thing he could do, he had accepted and respected Spock’s distance, worked to make their friendship work instead, and it had been so much harder than he had ever dreamt, so many unkept gazes, so many lonely shameful nights of giving in to his lust and moaning Spock’s name as he satisfied himself, coming into his hand with a pant.

Kirk knew all right. No, they weren’t a couple and they would never be. That was how things were. And Kirk would respect it to hell and back, because –

He loved Spock. He would do anything to keep him by his side. Even denying his true feelings for him for the rest of his life, if necessary.

He looked away, keeping his face from the man beside him, from the mirror reflection of his friend.

He licked his lips.

Why were they together in this universe, if they couldn’t be in his? What was so different that this Spock had feelings for him here?

No, don’t follow that, Kirk told himself. That was the kind of thinking that could grow unbearably and out of hand, if uncontrolled, and there was no way he could ever know the answer, anyhow. Parallel universes were parallel universes, they didn’t tell anything about his own, they didn’t hold any special truth. They were unpredictable variations of the same timeline, nothing more.

“As I said, it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m his captain, it’s not realistic, nor relevant. End of story.”

They walked a beat in silence. Then, Spock broke the silence again.

“Sir, I must know, did the Spock in your universe not enter Pon Farr during the second year of your mission?” The fact that he and Kirk was not an item in this Kirk’s universe was apparently so foreign to him that he could not let the subject slide. It pained Kirk, and the specific focus of that question did too.

Memories of the hot Vulcan planet, of Spock’s hooded gaze, of his hands around Kirk’s neck came flashing back to him.

“Yes, yes he did.”

“But he did not bond with you?”

“With me?” Kirk said in shock.

“Yes.”

Kirk looked at Spock with disbelief again.

“No, no he didn’t.”

“Hm.” The other Spock simply offered, turning his eyes from Kirk.

Kirk stared at him. “ _You_ did.” He said breathlessly.

“Yes, of course. It was the most logical solution. Tell me, what did the Spock of your universe do?”

“He went to Vulcan, to bond with his wife, T’Pring.”

Spock’s pondered over that answer.

“T’Pring... Of course.” He said, almost a mumble, trailing off, his voice sounding as if the mention of his bond mate was as of someone long forgotten. “And he did? Bond with her then?”

Kirk furrowed his brow, looking down.

“No, uh, something went wrong, T’Pring challenged him, turned out she wanted another man all along. She played him so he ended up having to fight me.. He almost killed me, but our doctor faked my death, and we were able to beam off planet both of us alive.”

Spock looked at him intensely, raising an eyebrow.

“Interesting.” A beat. “So he didn’t bond with anyone?”

“No.” Kirk offered quickly.

“And yet he lived.”

Kirk looked at him quizzically.

“Yes.”

“And he fought you.”

“Yes.”

“Interesting.” The Vulcan repeated, staring in front of himself, wonderingly.

“You didn’t go to Vulcan?” Kirk asked, despite an insistent voice inside him telling ham that this was a subject that would only cause him grief to pursue.

“No, I didn’t. The T’Pring in this universe died years ago, and before that I had already broken off our engagement. It was a commitment that would not bring me any more power nor prosperity. It was a bonding without a future.

I stayed here on the ship when the Pon Farr came over me.

I was restrained in the sickbay, and Captain Kirk bonded with me there.”

Kirk felt as if he had been dropped deep, deep down in ice-cold water.

Spock restrained in sickbay, fevered and sweating, nonsensical, as he had been during the Pon Farr that Kirk had experienced. Kirk, _this universes Kirk_ , bonding with him.. having his way with him.

As he regained his breath the feeling of being plunged in icecold water disappeared all too quickly, and his thoughts made heat rise to his head, filling him up, in his chest, his veins, and he had to turn his head and clear his throat.

“How much time do we have?”

“17 minutes and 48 seconds” the Vulcan answered. “We are only minutes from the transporter room, we will arrive there in time and have more than sufficient time for the transport.”

Then suddenly, he felt the Vulcans long slender hand on his shoulder, suggestion him to come to a halt, and he turned like he had been burned, almost jumping away from the touch.

“Spock.” He said, feeling foolish immediately, this wasn’t Spock, it wasn’t _his_ Spock, they both knew that.

He breathed heavily, and this universes Spock observed him silently and sternly.

“You’re very different from the Captain Kirk I know, Sir.” He said, his right hand resting warmly on Kirk’s left shoulder.

Kirk looked at him, unsettled.

“I know. You said that.”

“Everything I saw in my mind meld with Doctor McCoy. Your excessive concern regarding abusing your power.” He paused, obviously contemplating the man in front of him.

“I– wait.” Kirk furrowed his brow. “Does, he, does your captain–. The abuse of power. He doesn’t–“ He already felt a roaring as of fire in the pit of his stomach. This was ridiculous, was he enraged over this man, _himself,_ _his_ treatment of this other worlds’ Spock?

Spock shook his head immediately, a small sufficient negative.

“He treats me with sufficient respect, and our relationship is fully consensual.” He paused again. “But this world, our world. It is different from yours. It has made him hard. He keeps himself from me as he does from everyone else, rarely letting me glimpse him in any situation in which he isn’t in total control. He also takes a delight in, how would you put it, pushing my buttons, I think the phrase is. He delights in seeing me lose my Vulcan restrictions.”

Spock sounded neither angry nor sad with what he was stating, but Kirk felt his heart skip a beat, and he had to bite his lower lip to not say anything. _He plays with your emotions, is the phrasing you’re looking for_ , he thought, but he kept quiet. He liked this universes version of himself less and less the more he heard of him.

“I can’t help but wonder,” continued the Spock in front of him. “especially now that I know of your world, and of you.. ” his long slender fingers on Kirk’s shoulders suddenly felt very warm, he was suddenly standing _very_ close. Spock trailed off. Kirk took a step back, and Spock let his hand fall back to his side.

“You love him, don’t you. Your Spock.”

Kirk blinked, looking in pure shock at the tall man in front of him.

“I–. Why do you want to know.” He said, looking down, away, everywhere but at the spitting image of his friend in front of him.

“You don’t think you can ever be with him.”

“What’s your point, officer?” Kirk spat.

“Would you like, –” a beat, the Vulcan obviously making an effort to word himself in a way best suited for the situation, best suited for interacting with a human. It was an expression Kirk knew.

“– to know of what it would be like?”

Kirk literally took a step back, blinking in disbelief.

“I- _what?_ ” His breathing was fast, and he felt as if he had been stabbed right through his chest.

“To know what it would be like.” The Vulcan repeated, a slight rephrasing, completely calm, his voice dark and raspy as always, the edge of it slightly hoarse, the voice he knew so well, his gaze dark and unwavering.

“NO!” Kirk almost yelled. “Why would I want that, why would I, why would I want to torture myself like that?” This was too much, Spock, standing in front of him, flesh and blood, proposing, what exactly?

Was this some kind of trap? Surely, Kirk had nothing that could interest this Spock, he _wanted_ him to reach the transporter room and get out of here, get his own captain back, and if that wasn’t what he wanted, he could easily overpower him without any kind of tricks, and could have done so far earlier. No, this was something else.

“I am not your Captain.” He said, looking at the Vulcan. “And you’re not, you’re not him.” The words fell empty, and he could already feel that he was telling himself that, rather than the tall, lean man in front of him that looked exactly like what he had been longing for for so long now.

“No. But we are very close replicas.”

Kirk’s heart was racing. Why wasn’t he pushing this Spock away, he was standing all too close to him, they needed to get to the transporter room, they needed to get the fuck out of here, they needed to get _home._

But he didn’t. What exactly was this man, _this_ Spock, proposing?

“Why are you even, what are you suggesting, what would you get out of that?” As he said this, he already knew deep down that this was a defeat, pursuing the Vulcans words, why did he want to know if he wasn’t interested in the Vulcans proposal?

Spock looked down briefly, and then up again, and Kirk suddenly felt a kind of vulnerability coming from him, not unlike what he felt himself.

Meeting his gaze again with a serious expression, the Vulcan answered.

“I would like to know what.. my Captain is like, uncorrupted by power.” He then said, simply, as if he was stating the time again, nothing more than pure facts.

Kirk looked at him, this was all too much, too painful.

No. No. The transporter room, his crew, _Spock_ , Spock in his own universe, he would never be able to look at him again.

“This isn’t the time.” He simply said, collecting himself, his gaze turning abruptly away from the Vulcan, the transporter room, they needed to go-

“This is the only time.” The Vulcan offered, standing tall and calm in front of him, his hands were clasped behind his back again, and in all aspects, disregarding the beard and his different uniform, this was _Spock._

No one would ever know. This, this world, this moment, this man, would be as much gone, as unreal as any fantasy he had ever had, once he stepped into that transporter and beamed out of there. There was little difference in what he might do to this Spock, than there were to the secret fantasies he had entertained in the solidarity of his quarters. This chance would never come again, in this, the Vulcan was right.

“But, your captain, your Kirk..” Kirk offered vaguely.

“He will not mind.” The Vulcan stated simply.

This was Spock. Tall, and lean and handsome, body and soul, in front of him. Offering himself to Kirk without restraint, without any turned gazes, no regrets.

The body of a lover that wanted him back.

“What are you proposing.” Kirk said, his voice hoarse and nothing more than a whisper, golden green eyes aimed hopelessly at the man in front of him.

“This.” Spock said, and lifting a long steady hand gently, he cupped Jim’s face, and leaned hesitantly but calmly in for a kiss, making room for Jim to stop him any second of the way. But he didn’t.

Spock’s lips were warm and soft and pliable, his beard rough against the sensitive skin of Kirk’s face. And Kirk’s eyes fell closed with a painful expression, as he stiffened for a moment.

Spock. Spock kissing him, his body mere inches from his, the heat of his body radiating against Kirk, the warm musky scent of him bathing Kirk, enveloping him, his long fingers gently placed against the skin of his cheek.

Spock kissed him, and suddenly, Kirk kissed back, with longing and soul poured into it, the stiffness leaving his body, bringing up his hands to grab at Spock’s back, pulling him in closer until they were smack up against each other.

Kirk’s breath ghosted against Spock as he kissed him heftily, and gently, gently, Spock turned them without breaking the kiss, so that Kirk had his back up against the wall.

Spock was everything that Kirk had imagined. All gentle attentive touch, no movement unnecessary or unintended. Tenderly, he brushed his thumb across Kirk’s cheek, and his fingers felt almost cold against Kirk’s blushed skin.

“Spock.” Kirk mumbled breathlessly in their kiss, and Spock steadied himself with his free hand against the wall next to Kirk’s head.

“Captain.” He answered in a hoarse whisper, and his voice, his words, send shivers down Kirk’s spine.

He repositioned his hands to cup at Spock’s face, brushing over his cheekbones, one hand going to the nape of his neck, his ink black hair as soft and silky smooth as Kirk had always wondered, his other hand going to softly touch at a pointed ear, fingers brushing over the tip. This earned him a low throaty sound from the Vulcan, who started kissing him with more force, parting his lips urging Kirk to do the same, opening his mouth in the kiss to meet Kirk with his tongue.

Kirk fought for his breath, and couldn’t help a moan escaping him. He brought his hands to rest at Spock’s shoulders, clasping at the fabric of his uniform, his arms trapped awkwardly in between them.

The transporter room. His crew.

“Wait, I, how much time-“

“15 minutes and 32 seconds.” The Vulcan replied. “We are approximately 1 minute and 20 seconds from the transporter room if we keep up a reasonable speed. We have plenty of time.” He said all of this while raining kisses unto Kirk’s lips in between words that escaped him on hot breaths.

Kirk didn’t answer so Spock went back in and deepened their kiss, his tongue making his way past Kirk’s lips to brush against Kirk’s own, and Kirk answered readily, feeling lust and need rush over him like a warm tidal wave.

His hands squeezed helplessly at Spock’s shoulders, the awkwardness of his arms bend and caught between them frustrating, so he snaked his hands under Spock’s arms to bring them flat up against his back, closing the distance in between them, leaving them against each other, chest to chest in an embrace. He grabbed at the firm muscle of Spock’s back through the uniform, and Spock replied with a low sound, then, letting his hand that so far hadn’t strayed from its gently caress of his cheek, fall to his neck, he brushed his thumb across Kirk’s adams apple, making his breathing jump. He nudged Kirk to turn his head slightly, giving him room to break the kiss and lower his face to the bared, sensitive skin of Kirk’s neck.

He kissed at it once, then opened his mouth to let his tongue run over it, evoking a gasp from Jim, before bringing his teeth to grace over the skin, the wetness leaving it incredibly attentive to the hot breath the Vulcan let ghost over it.

“Ah! Spock, I- ah!” Kirk stammered as Spock’s beard nuzzled coarsely against the soft skin, and Spock suddenly bit at it, ever so gently, but firmly. Kirk moaned and whimpered, squirming against the mirror image of his first officer, who then sucked lightly at the skin of his neck. Kirk brought a hand up to tug at his hair.

“No, don’t, you’ll leave a mark.” Kirk muttered, pulling him away.

Spock lifted his head, licking his lips.

“Of course.” He said, accepting the captain’s objection. He then leaned in and kissed him again.

Kirk kissed back heftily, and Spock bit at his lip.

“Ahh, Spock.”

Spock’s steady hands, his lean frame so close up against him, his beautiful, pale, calm face, black flawless hair, it was everything he had ever wanted. It was too much.

He buried one of his hands in Spock’s hair again, as the other kept a tight grip at the clothes on Spock’s back, grounding himself in their kiss as Spock sucked on his lip before drawing away slightly.

Kirk’s eyes had fell shut, but he met Spock’s gaze with hooded eyes as the Vulcan kept his face just a mere inches from his, letting his black eyes glide over the features of his captain, taking it all in.

Kirk was breathing heavy, and as Spock let his eyes do a second round of Kirk’s blushed face, descending to fixate on his glistening lips, his strong but gentle hand found it’s way to Kirk’s crotch where he cupped an already hard erection.

“Ah! Spock, I-“ Spock moved his hand to rub at his sore member through the fabric. “Spock, that’s not, that’s not a good idea, the time-“

“It wont take long.” Spock said huskily, kissing at Kirk’s cheek, his capable hand working at Kirk’s hard on while the other gently ran a thumb along his jawline. “Not with me it wont.” He added, his voice dark and hoarse and Spock’s, Spock’s words in his ear, Spock’s hand on his erection. Kirk felt like he couldn’t even breathe.

He undid the button and zipper of Kirk’s pants in one fluid movement, with ease and only one hand, and Kirk registered it enough to be impressed just the moment before Spock’s long slender fingers then slid under the fabric and grabbed at the warm hardness of Kirk’s bared erection.

Kirk almost yelped and moaned loudly, squirming against his first officer, his fingers digging into his back and tugging hard at his hair.

Spock kissed at his ear and drew in a breath, for a second Kirk thought he was about to say something, but the Vulcan remained quiet and started working Kirk’s dick. Kirk whimpered and buckled his hips against Spock, who remained calm and steady, close up against him. Despite the awkward angle and the lack of any kind of lubrication, Spock wasn’t bragging when he said it wouldn’t take long. He really knew how to work Kirk to get a reaction.

His long slender fingers pumped Kirk’s length, and Kirk thrusted against him, panting and moaning, his head falling to bury his face in Spock’s shoulder. He almost bit at the fabric of his uniform as he tried to swallow his moans, and keeping himself from calling out the Vulcans name.

Then, Spock’s free left hand grabbed at Kirk’s nape, and even though the touch was still calm, it had lost a bit of it’s edge of gentleness, and he entwined his fingers in Kirk’s hair, and steadily but insistently made Kirk lift his head back up as the Vulcan met his eyes with his own piercing blacks.

Kirk was fighting for his breath as Spock continued to jerk him off, and Spock ran the palm of his hand over Kirk’s fevered forehead, making him lean his head back against the wall, as his dark serious eyes cut into him, studying him, engulfing him.

He rubbed his thumb across Kirk’s ear, and then leaned in and kissed him hungrily, and Kirk moaned in the kiss, breathing heavily through his nose, his body moving with Spock’s movements, longing to achieve more friction against the Vulcans touch on his dick.

Spock kissed him deeply, leaving him little room to breath, and Kirk welcomed his tongue with a moan, hips buckling with greater and greater eagerness, and a faltering level of control.

Spock ran his thumb over the head of Kirk’s cock, where precum met the Vulcans touch, and as he continued his messy hand job, Kirk knew he wasn’t going to last long.

Spock could obviously tell too, because he suddenly pulled out of the kiss, again only enough to look Kirk in the eye, his left hand still positioned on his cheek, keeping him in place against the wall, observing him. He leaned his forehead against Kirk’s as the latter began to unravel before him, and finally Kirk couldn’t help himself from calling out the Vulcans name.

“Ah–, hh, Spock, _Spock. Spock.”_

And Spock’s dark eyes watched him with a dark glimmer as he whimpered his name on a gasping breath, and then in a couple of thrusts came into the Vulcans hand and over his uniform.  
  
  
A second passed. The corridor was silent except for Kirk’s breathing, slowing down from it’s fevered pace.

Spock finally released his firm grip on Kirk’s face, and with his right hand he ran his thumb across the head of Kirk’s aching dick, removing the last drops of sperm.

His gaze moved to his cum covered hand and stained tunic.

Without barely a moment of hesitation, he moved his soiled right hand up to his face, and _licked_ Kirk’s cum of his fingers.

Kirk couldn’t help it, he closed his eyes and turned his head at the very obscenity of the action.

What had he done.

Shame came over him in one heavy, thick wave, and with fumbling hands he quickly reached down and tucked himself away and zipped up his trousers.

Spock. _His_ Spock, back home, at the _real_ Enterprise. If he knew.

Would he ever be able to look him in the eye again?

While trying to avoid catching Spock’s gaze he looked up at him as the Vulcan had cleaned up his hand and now turned his attention to the stain left on his uniform.

Again, without hesitation, he reached down and efficiently, of course, untied the sash around his waist, flipped it to hide the cum stains, and replaced it on his hips so it covered the last blemishes left on his tunic.

It was simple and effective, Kirk had to admit, it was impossible to tell that the uniform had ever been stained in the first place.

As a final act of reconstitution, Spock straightened himself up to his full height, clasped his hands on his back and looked at Kirk.

Tilting his head ever so slightly, a calm “Captain?” escaped his lips, both a closing statement, sealing off whatever activity they had just participated in, and prompting that they continue on their path.

Kirk looked at him in disbelief.

“Yes, of course.” He said breathlessly, unable to hide a vague tone of disdain in his voice. At which of them, he didn’t know. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very first Spirk fic that I have ever posted. I would enjoy any and all kind of feedback and critique immensely. Enjoy!


	2. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock finds himself alone with a Captain Kirk quite different from the one he knows.

Back at the Enterprise that Kirk knew, the one he had so far been the captain of for over several years without any assassinations necessary, the Spock who worked for the Federation and not the Empire, had been observing the Captain Kirk that so closely resembled the man he knew, but who had clearly come from a parallel universe.

 

The captain, or the doppelganger of the captain, had been placed in isolation soon after the alien crews appearance, to avoid any and all kind of organization and plotting from their side.

It was a relatively small cell, with an even lesser observation room by the entrance.

A small bench took up the one wall outside the cell, and Spock had placed himself there with his side to the cell, with a PADD in his hands, telling himself that he was there to observe the captain. For scientific reasons, of course. The appearance of living individuals from a parallel universe was a significant scientific event, and any possibilities for observations of this were a rare and valuable opportunity.

All of this was true, of course, but maybe Spock knew deep down too that it wasn’t the whole reason of why he decided to spend a short while there instead of focusing his sole energy to aiding the scientific team in trying to bring back their missing crewmembers.

They did already have a plan on how to switch the ships power and activate the transportation system at the right time, and in that way bring back the captain and the crew, of course, but Spock could be in the lab running the tests a 7th and an 8th time. Yet, he was not.

The Kirk behind the force barrier eyed him up and down with a vague smile starting to play over his lips.

“A parallel universe, you say?”

Spock looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes, it would seem so.” The science officer confirmed, looking back down at his PADD is if reading. He had brought the electronic device, not only to be able to take notes as needed, but also as much as a social barrier to add on top of the very physical one between them. He wanted to keep the stranger in the cell as much on an arms length as possible. It was easier to observe someone when not obviously devoting ones entire attention to them as well.

“Hm!” Kirk said with a huff, noting the Vulcans answer.

Spock could feel his gaze heavy on him as a spare couple of seconds passed in silence.

“You look odd without your beard, you know.”

Spock looked at Kirk briefly, then let his eyes fall back unto the PADD without answering.

“Do I look different from your captain?” Kirk said, tilting his head, trying to engage the Vulcan.

“Yes, quite.” Spock answered.

“Ha! How so?” asked Kirk with a laugh.

Spock looked up at him and hesitated for a second.

“Your eyes are quite different.” He then finally offered, after consideration.

“ _HA!_ ” the loud, mocking laugh escaped the prisoner as a bark. “What, your captain, does he have _gentle_ eyes?” he said in a jeering tone.

_Yes_ was the first thought that voiced itself in Spock’s head, but he didn’t answer, and remained silent as he looked unwavering at the Kirk behind the barrier.

Kirk’s gaze didn’t waver either, and his stare pierced into Spock.

_Yes, Kirk does have gentle eyes,_ Spock thought, _You, do not. You have hard, painful eyes._

Spock looked down at his PADD again, jotting down some notes.

This, strange, different Kirk smiled slowly. He leaned up against the doorframe by the force barrier.

“Maybe I should have my Spock shave his face too. It would give me less of a rash when he gives me head.”

Spock’s eyes widened, and his face snapped back up, his stare meeting Kirk’s.

“Excuse me?” escaped his lips before he had even considered the words.

Kirk’s smile widened with sadistic warmth.

“When he sucks me off. Or, you know, when _you_ suck me off. I mean, the two of you are basically the same person right? You sure do look the same.   
Of course, without the beard you do look a bit younger. Not that that’s a bad thing.”

Spock simply stared at the man in front of him, to everyone else his face was probably as expressionless as ever, but Kirk had always been one of the few that could tell his emotions like were they written on his forehead, and apparently that was a skill that was shared across parallel universes.

Kirk laughed again, a low, husky laugh.   
“So my counterpart here, the one with _the gentle eyes,_ does he fuck you as well as I do? Does he treat your dick as nicely? Lets you fuck me into the madras as you like to do?”

“We don’t engage in sexual activities.” Spock said foolishly, instantly regretting his choice of words.

“No? Why?” Kirk immediately answered, and looked honestly a bit taken aback by the answer.

“We… don’t have that kind of relationship.” Spock answered, swallowing.   
Kirk looked at him for a second, then tilted his head warily, a question of a smile flickering on his lips.

“Never?” he asked.

Spock didn’t answer, and the silence answered for him.

“Really…” Kirk said, more to himself than to the Vulcan.

“ _Would you like to try?”_ he then said huskily, taunting, his stare intense and dark, his smirk crooking up to the one side of his face, his one hand on his hip, the other on the doorframe as he leaned on it with his elbow and lower arm.

Spock’s mouth went dry. “No.” he breathed.

Kirk, all sunshine and warmth and a laughing smile and a steady hand on Spock’s shoulder when he didn’t even know himself he had needed it.

And then this man, all bitter hate and spite and willful hurt. How could they even remotely stem from the same being?

“I wouldn’t mind, I can tell you honestly. I would love the chance to break you in again Spock. I had _so much fun_ the first time.” Kirk said, his soft lips forming the words over those perfect white teeth.

Spock’s heart throbbed painfully hard and loud against his side, pushing at his insides, making him nauseous.

“You were so restrained and controlled the many first times, but I got you in the end, of course I did, _sweetheart._

Got you to fuck me over a table like you wanted to kill me. Smack me against the walls. Nearly broke my skull one time too.”

Spock just stared at him, as if unable to look away, transfixed by the horror that this man was laying out in front of him.

“Got you to swallow me all the way down. Got you to beg for permission to fuck me.” Kirk blinked slowly and slyly, his eyes not swaying from Spock.

He tilted his head to the other side.

“You sure you don’t want to try? You could come in here so easily. I swear I wont even try to escape.” He smiled innocently, as if suggesting a picnic.

“I see no reason why that would be necessary.” Spock said, his voice almost a whisper.

Kirk looked at him for a second, then cocked a brow. 

“Okay. Sure.” He pursed his lips, as Spock had seen the Kirk he knew do so many times before.

“But do you really think that the Spock in my universe is being as virtuous as you are right now? You don’t think that he’s _observing_ the differences between me and your captain?”

Spock sucked in his lower lip, and noticed how Kirk noticed it, a clear sign that he was emotionally compromised.

“Probably right now.” Kirk said delicately.

“And do you think your captain is resisting? Or do you think he is enjoying it?”

Suddenly Kirk tilted his head ever so slightly backwards and closed his eyes, made his face softer, more vulnerable, and in that second, Spock could have sworn that it was the Kirk he had served under since his arrival at the Enterprise, that was standing in front of him.

“Oh, _Spock._ ” Kirk breathed, softly, as if in a mix between pain and pleasure.

His left hand that had until then rested on his hip now travelled to his crotch where he lightly, lightly, caressed himself through the fabric of his pants.

“Spock. Spock! No! No!” his brows furrowed, and his face and voice was the ones of one in pain. He twisted his body ever so slightly, and Spock could almost see the invisible hands travelling over his body.

“Ah!” he let out, as if in pleasure. “Spock! _Spock!_ ” He was touching himself with more force now.

“ _Spock._ ”   


With a jolt, Spock stood up, and as if from the snap of a whip he turned on his heel and left the room.

As the automatic doors closed behind him he was already paces down the hall, long, fast steps bringing him as far away from the cell as fast as possible, but he could hear the captains loud, jarring laugh follow him, like a hyenas bark, hard stabbing sounds, until the doors finally sealed closed and muted it.

He arrived at his quarters and without even slowing his pace for a second went straight into the bathroom, shedding his uniform as he walked. He turned on the faucet as he was still kicking off his trousers and underwear, leaving them in a bunch on the edge of the shower, the fabric quickly turning wet and soggy as he stepped underneath the shower head, turning the power all the way up, and the heat all the way down, cascades of cold, hard water hitting his body, his head, his chest and his crotch.

He stood there for minutes, the temperature of the water turning almost all the way to just above zero, as he breathed heavy both from the shock of the cold water and from his shameful arousal. As he finally stepped out he was shivering, and his lips a pale grey.

While still keeping an almost unnecessary frisk pace he returned to his quarters, his mind already going to his meditation techniques as he got dressed, as he tried to ignore the fact that he even had a body or any kind of physical vessel, that he was or ever had been, more than simply an orderly arranged jumble of connections and ideas and theories, simply a mind and a will, and nothing more.

He crouched on his meditation mat and closed his eyes, going everywhere than where he was right now, using everything he had to make his mind go blank, to block out the images in his head of Kirk writhing in front of him.

It wasn’t the Kirk that had just tortured him in the cell anymore, it was the Kirk Spock knew and trusted, and whom he knew trusted him back, writhing in front of him, in pain and fevered pleasure, and it was Spock that was causing the sensations with his own two hands.

Let the thoughts slip away. Let the breathing come from the _k’rawhl._ Let the thoughts slip away.

Let the thoughts slip away.   



End file.
